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i am now 24 hours into the recovery period from my first covid booster shot, so if this is nonsensical then just take into account i’m experiencing some passive combination of lethargy, delirium, and pain. i waited this long to even get my first booster for two reasons. one is that when the next, worse variant inevitably arrives, i’d like to have a fighting chance.

but the real reason i abstained from the shot for so long is that i fucking hate thinking of the pandemic. i hate that by saying nothing for the past three months, the government has all but admitted it couldn’t give a shit about covid anymore. i hate that it’s been over two years & 1,000,000 dead & at no time did the state do anything other than the absolute minimum—until it was time for the rest of us to ‘get back to work.’

both the state & media have assigned the blame to those who didn’t get vaccinated. which, whatever, they certainly didn’t & don’t help, but after a violently divisive election it was a pretty big mis-step for the democrats to think people who believe donald trump is their savior were going to fall in line.

but mainly, there’s been no sense of hope since the beginning of all this. so much has been lost over two years—far more than a million lives. the day-to-day insanity that was the pandemic for the first year was beyond overwhelming. the last has been a constant shift between bewilderment & exhaustion. there has been no time to process all that has happened, and i truly believe that’s how the state wants it to be. teenage sadness is just an article. that the wealth of the 1% grew by $3.6 trillion while the working class lost $3.7 trillion is just a coincidence.

i would be infuriated about the whole thing if i wasn’t so depressed about it. soldiers spend less time on a tour of duty than the average american just spent with a completely upended & wholly isolated life. now the state is involved in a proxy war, they’re telling cities to use pandemic money to fund the police, and the country is averaging over 100,000 cases of covid per day again. this is what a failed state looks like—but it’s what a capitalist utopia does, too.

it’s incredible how the biden administration is running the narrative of the climate crisis. today, while praising the military, he said this little gem:

My message to all Americans is straightforward: We know hurricanes are coming our way. They grow more extreme every season thus far. Pay attention to the hurricane warnings. And, and, and — follow — follow the guidance of your local authorities.

this is hilariously dark, considering his clean energy plan to combat climate change was a two-trillion dollar investment into clean energy infrastructure over his first term. now it’s just, ‘wait it out, listen to your local authorities, good luck, we’ll send in the military.’

then again, should we have expected anything else? according to his covid response plan, unemployment benefits should not have been cut last september, given the daily average of new cases in the us hit 100,000 again yesterday—not including the amount of positive results for people who test at-home.

meanwhile, biden wants cities to use pandemic relief to fund the police. (i know when i think of public health, the lapd is the first organization that comes to mind. with only a $1.9 billion budget for 2022, it’s obvious they need the money.)

it’s not so much that i’m surprised by the inhumanity of the state, but more that anyone can support this administration at this point. the promises republicans make to the people may be horrifying, but at least they try & follow through with them. an enemy who says exactly how & why they want to destroy you is far better than an enemy that pretends to be a friend.

Colin Smith (b. 1982) works in a form of assembly within and across disciplines, both in digital and analogue formats. Following in the ideas of media theorist Marshall McLuhan, the medium of his work is often dictated by its message—the diversity of projects that result are each an attempt to represent a particular thesis, a certain context.

Educated in graphic design and photojournalism, and self-taught in the visual arts, Smith has additionally worked as an art director, freelance designer or creative consultant for a variety of small businesses and independent clients around the world.

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