one of my intentions for 2020 was to teach myself oil painting & take a real crack at producing some work in the medium. this was quickly interrupted by the pandemic, an escape to la, and a subsequent ten-month nervous breakdown where the sum total of my efforts became four pieces & extended stays in psychiatric care.
it took some time before i could even consider the paintbrush a tool again, but now i am back on that horse, working through a series titled complications.
though i have seven pieces in various stages of progress right now, i can’t bring myself to push forward anymore until i finish the self-portrait. this is because i know by the time i finish the series as a whole, i will be different—my intention is to capture myself as i am, as i have been for the past months. i do not intend to be the same upon finishing this series. i genuinely hope not to be.
the piece has been near-completion for some weeks now, but in my carving & covering, it has, much like myself, remained unsettled. the previous work was not complete until it was cut down to where i was at that time.
i am hoping that tonight, the long sun will finally bring this all to rest. i am hoping that i can move on from this beaten face of hidden wounds & off in to the coming darkness, as it grows again, as someone new.