a sliver of the moon caught my eye as i sat on the stoop. it was fighting the purple & gray clouds for visibility. my first attempt to photograph it was shit. all the praise these little computer-phones get is over-rated. they’re little more than instruments of vanity now.

it’s incredible how western civilization is built to keep us from dreaming. the clouds above los angeles in the dead of night are easily visible—the light of the city, shining up from below. the flames of hell reaching toward the heavens. one hardly ever sees the stars here. everything built for business chisels just a little bit more away from our nature. soon there will be nothing left.

do whatever you need to stay sober in the first year, i hear in aa from those with years & decades ahead. my pills in the morning keep me from violent emotional swings. my pills for the day keep my anxiety spiking into panic. my pills at night let me sleep. none of these seem to violate any code of drug use to the program—not that i’m complaining, as alcohol used to serve me for all three of these parts of living with little to no success.

loss is a strange concept for it impacts everyone but in extremely subjective ways. some losses aren’t even considered—for many, the absence of the stars in the sky might be a fine casualty to the red carpets and spotlights that have replaced them. for some, the loss of a drink may be the gain of something greater—but only with a constant diligence. it’s a self-inflicted loss to replace a self-inflicted wound.

interpersonal loss is somewhere between these two—one becomes the alcoholic abandoning the drink. the other becomes the stars, left to exist behind the veil of light pollution, never to be seen again. these are distinctly different experiences when applied to people. there may be replacements for feelings—neither the bar nor the stars have emotions for their place in the universe—but still remains a void in our lives that will only ever be filled with questions that can’t be answered.

in all our vain technologies & our vapid distractions, the world insists on constructing ways to tear us apart from one another. empty houses, taller skyscrapers. advertisements for jealousy. products for comfort.

so we lose the sky for nothing, and we lose each other for the same.